Cold hands, warm shart.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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