My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
