so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
