I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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