ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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