hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
