if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
