i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish you could order shots online.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
