Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
