so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
