I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
