If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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