Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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