what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
