maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
