Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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