this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
