FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
