is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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