Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
