Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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