Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
