Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
