How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
