SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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