well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
