it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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