I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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