He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
