i was born a porn star she said
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
