Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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