So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
