Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
