that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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