dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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