Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
