areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
