my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
