No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
