If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
