Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
