Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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