My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
