She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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