1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
