Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
