so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
