Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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