It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
