Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
