Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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