My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
