I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
