I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
