508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
