I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
