Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she told me i tasted like america
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
