I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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