dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
