I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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