thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
