I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Need sex. Gaining weight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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