The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
